From Stuffing to Running

I did it! I joined Weight Watchers and have just about completed my first full week! Now I know some of you who know me are reading this thinking why do you need to do Weight Watchers? I have even had a few people look at me sideways saying that exact thing to me, but if they only knew.

The day I walked down the aisle and married the man of my dreams I was 125 lbs. After each pregnancy some weight made a home and wouldn’t let go. After my third pregnancy I was scared. I weighted 160 lbs. at delivery and was worried it wouldn’t come off. After a few months I was down to my pre pregnancy weight of 133 lbs and was elated.

About a month ago I went to the doctor and got on the giant scale. I couldn’t believe my weight. I was 145 lbs! To me it was devastating! I had sort of made my peace with never seeing 125 ever again, but I have never been this heavy unless I was pregnant…and I wasn’t pregnant this time.

I know in my head that God doesn’t care what number the scale says. My worth is not the number staring back at me on the scale. He sees me as a precious daughter that He loves so much!  But I also know that my choices have consequences.  My family has lots of medical problems that connect to weight like type 2 Diabetes, heart disease, etc. So this number was a concern for me.

I went home thinking about my lifestyle and how I could have gained that without realizing it. Then it hit me…I eat to satisfy my emotions. When I am lonely I eat. When I am sad I eat. When I am stressed I eat. (I also just really love food too!)  I noticed that I had no self-control when it came to food. It is a miracle I am not 300 lbs!

I realized I also don’t see myself accurately. When I look in a mirror I see a much larger girl than what everyone else sees. This makes me feel horrible and you guessed it …I eat! I am constantly comparing my body with others and wishing I looked different. My aha moment made me want to change this, but I didn’t really know how. I found out that my hubby’s job would reimburse me for doing Weight Watchers and I thought I would love to do that.(Especially after seeing Jennifer Hudson’s pics!)  So I signed  up.

Day two I was going to quit. This was way too hard and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. Thank goodness for a supportive hubby or else I would have. Today I am at the end of my first week and I have actually noticed some changes in myself! Change is hard and frustrating at times, but worth it. During this I discovered how out of control my eating was! I am starting to gain the discipline and self-control to eat what I need (with some little wants thrown in)  and that is freeing! My start has not been perfect at all with lots of days I wish were better, but I am learning how to eat healthy with the correct portion sizes. (I am also getting lots of great recipes!) I can’t wait to share more of my journey with you as I go!!

I have lost 5 lbs. so far and have more energy already! I also noticed how exercise and good food choices helps my emotional swings. The biggest thing I have noticed is that I need to run to God with my emotions and not to food. God is who I need to get through my day, not food. I was made for more than just stuffing my emotions away with food. I was made for Him! 🙂 Here I am Lord

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